“Look man, Neil Armstrong,

     Never landed on the moon!”

          - all of my dad’s friends

Groundhogs Day is dumb.

   Just see whether it’s cloudy.

        Let the rodent sleep.

I text like I fuck.

   Utilizing my fat thumbs,

      Staring at a screen.

I’m learning Russian,

    As to be better prepared,

       When I buy my wife.

Well, happy new years.

    Sorry about the updates.

          Commitment scares me.

Seven Eleven

   Is open twenty four hours.

       Explain that, Oprah!

Two banana peels.

     Or as I like to call them,

            ”Vaudeville roller skates.”

Dirty Magazine,

     Lying open on my bed,

          Means I wear one sock.

The curve of my dick,

      Is never appropriate,

           To discuss at church. 

Huevos Rancheros,

    You come in so beautiful.

         But leave so ugly.